To whom it may concern,

August 4, 2009


Dear next stall restroom user,

I despise you. Under no circumstance, should you be using the stall to my immediate right or left unless it is an extreme emergency and the first, fifth, or third stalls are taken (I do not want to hear or smell you.) Please also notice the correct order in which the stalls should be occupied. First, then fifth, then third. Please also embed into your brain rule #3 of the International Center's guide to bathroom etiquette:

#3: Stall occupation rules in women's bathrooms: The person occupying the adjacent stall must be a very close friend, and both must have entered the bathroom together. Even in this case, choosing an adjacent stall should be done with extreme caution. Otherwise, one should always select a stall which is as far away from any other occupied stalls as possible. Choosing adjacent stalls is only acceptable if there are very few stalls available (3 or less), or if the bathroom is extremely crowded and line-ups are threatening to form.

Thank you for your undivided attention to this matter. Should this happen again, there will be an immediate evacuation of your stall and your desk will be red flagged.

Sincerely,

Rachel Herken